


I'll make it safe for you

by wandering_minds



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alex is best boi, Alpha Ash, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Discussion of Abortion, Eiji is a bad bitch, Eiji just has the worst pregnancy, Eiji's depression and anxiety makes an appearance many times in this fic, M/M, Omega Eiji - Freeform, So is Kong and Bones, This follows the manga's timeline so we're back in the 80s guys, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-08-18 20:16:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16523894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandering_minds/pseuds/wandering_minds
Summary: Eiji didn't think his stay in America could get any more hectic. But then that one night happened and Eiji is put into a difficult position.





	1. Chapter 1

_"Ash..."_

_Eiji let out a shuddering gasp as Ash thrusted deeper inside of him. The Japanese boy wrapped his arms around the blond's neck and tugging him down so their lips could meet._

_"I love you," Eiji moaned, tangling his fingers into Ash's locks. He groaned, picking up the speed of his thrusts. "I love you too," Ash gasped and pulled back so he could gaze into Eiji's dark eyes._

_"Forever."_

_Eiji smiled. "Forever."_

_And together they fell over the edge._

* * *

Ever since Eiji was little, he’s been pretty good at keeping calm during certain situations. It ranged from taking care of his sobbing sister whenever she fell and scrapped her knee to passively yet effectively diffusing arguments between his parents. While some considered his skill to be a tad strange, it had proved to be quite useful now that he was in America admist gang wars and illegal drugs.

It was especially needed right now.

Eiji paced in the ridiculously large bathroom of the apartment he and Ash shared. He still wasn’t sure how Ash exactly got the place but Eiji had learned a while ago that the less he knew the better. Or at least that’s what Ash thought.

A knock on disturbed the silence that had occupied the room.

“Hey, man. Did you get the results yet?”

Eiji sighed and spared a glance to the counter where the pregnancy test laid. It look so small and inconspicuous but it had to power to destroy virtually everything. Eiji swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and tried to ignore his rising anxiety.

“No, not yet, Bones. Just a few more minutes.” Eiji replied, his voice coming out steady with practiced ease. “Is Kong back yet?” He asked, remembering that the beta had left out a while ago to get food. Eiji knew that he mostly left to keep busy and to not stress Eiji out with his own worry but he didn’t comment on it.

“Nah, not yet. He should be back soon though,” Bones replied. The door shook and rattled which meant the beta had probably settled against it. A part of Eiji appreciated the subtle show of support. The other part felt even more rattled because of it.

“Have you ever thought about kids before?”

Eiji leaned against the door and slid down to the floor. “Yeah, sometimes,” Eiji answered quietly as he brought his knees to his chest. He could remember his high school years where he would sometimes daydream about meeting a nice alpha and that the two would get married and have kids. It was silly little fantasy that just helped passed the time but as Eiji grew older, he found himself thinking of that fantasy more and more. Japan wasn’t like America, after all. They were generally more accepting of male Omegas but that only meant that Eiji wouldn’t get jumped in the street because of his secondary gender. Slurs and swears, maybe, but no physical attacks. But toss in same-sex couples into the mix, things became rather...er, problematic.

“I think the test should be ready now,” Bones said. Eiji squeezed his shut, as if he could hide from reality for a bit longer if he just closed his eyes and shut everything away. But life never worked that way, unfortunately.

“Eiji?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m about to go check,” Eiji replied and he stood from his spot on the floor. It was now or never, he reasoned to himself as he walked over to the sink counter.

Even so, his hand still trembled and Eiji took a moment to calm himself. He closed his eyes and curled his hands into fists, willing for the shaking to stop. His nerves were all over the place and he was sure he was clogging up the apartment with his scent which would be a pain to explain to Ash later.

_‘Just breathe. You’ll be okay. You’ve always been okay.’_

Unclenching his fists and opening his eyes, Eiji grabbed the test and looked at the results. Two little pink lines stared back at him.

_Positive._

Eiji shook the piece of plastic in his hand but the results were the still the same.

_Positive._

His hand began trembling once more but it was so bad that Eiji ended up dropping the test into the sink.

_Positive._

Eiji inhaled sharply as a familiar warmth gathered behind his eyes. ‘Don’t do this, don’t do this now,’ He begged himself, knowing that if he started crying that he wouldn’t be able to stop.

“Eiji? What did the test say?” Bones asked sharply, most likely smelling Eiji’s distress.

“It’s...” Eiji trailed off, his voice becoming wobbly. He bit his lip harshly as he tried to reign his emotions in but it was practically useless. He chest felt like it was filled with lead and Eiji could hardly breath. He wanted to run. He didn’t even care where. Maybe one of Arthur’s goons would find him and just kill him before-

 _‘Stop!’_ Eiji screamed internally and let out a choked sob.

“Eiji?”

“I’m pregnant. Bones, I’m pregnant,” Eiji said, his voice choked and full of tears. He buried his face into his hands and let his tears fall. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t.

But the test showed the results clear as day and Eiji knew, deep in his heart, that his time in America was going to become much worse.

_Positive._


	2. Chapter 2

“Eiji?”

Bones knocked nervously on thebathroom door, frowning when he didn’t get a reply. The beta shuffled around anxiously as he fiddled with his shirt. He heard what Eiji had said-just barely-and faintly heard the omega let out a sob before going quiet.

Bones ran a hand through his hair in agitation. He might not have been the one peeing on a stick, but his stomach was twisting in knots and his palms were becoming slick with sweat. What was he supposed to do?

‘Do we tell Boss? Fuck, what would he even say?’ Bones questioned to himself. Seeing Ash as a lover was strange enough. Seeing him as a father was too hard to even comprehend.

Realizing that he wasn’t coming up with solutions, Bones tried to get a whiff of Eiji’s scent to gauge how he was feeling. The least he could do is comfort him, right?

Except...

Bones’ brow furrowed as he tried to pick up the Eiji’s scent. The usual smell of cinnamon that could be found in the apartment had gone completely stale. Bones could only smell the metallic scent of his increasing worry.

“Eiji? Dude, c’mon, open the door,” Bones tried again, twisting the door knob in an attempt to get in only to find it locked. Bones bit his lip and stepped back from the door, unsure of what to do.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the front door. Bones’ hand went to the gun on his waist in reflex. He creeped to the front of the door, making sure he was crouched low just in case. Call him paranoid, but this situation with Arthur and whatever happened between Shorter and Ash had him on edge.

Letting out a quiet breath, Bones looked through the peephole and immediately sagged in relief. Releasing his hold on his gun, Bones unlocked the door and welcomed the visitor with an uneasy smile.

“Hey, Kong. About time you made it back,” Bones said in halfhearted jest. The bigger man, with arms full of takeout, blinked down at him in concern.

“What happened? Is Eiji okay? Did you guys get the results?”

Bones made a helpless gesture. “He’s pregnant,” He whispered, as if scared that someone would overhear them. Kong’s eyes widened in such a way that would’ve hadBones laughing in any other situation.

“Damn,” He replied, making his way to the kitchen table to sit down the food. “How is he taking it?” Kong asked as he pulled out a chair to sit down.

“I don’t know. He just...shut down and he won’t open the door,” Bones answered, wringing his hands. Kong frowned in concerned, noting that he couldn’t smell Eiji’s scent.

“Kong, what do we do?” Bones asked helplessly. Kong struggled to find a reply. “I guess...we just support him. And follow his lead. That’s all we really can do,” Kong answered dejectedly. The two remained silent, the weight of the situation making itself more apparent as the seconds passed.

Bones could only imagine what Eiji was feeling. He wasn’t the one pregnant but the thought of telling Ash just made him want to curl up and hide.

 _‘Jeez, I would’ve never pegged Boss for one to go to war without his armor,’_ Bones thought to himself as he grabbed plates from the cabinet.

Bones and Kong shuffled around the kitchen quietly as they made plates. Bones was happy to note that Kong had gotten Thai from that new restaurant a couple of blocks down.

Just as Bones sat down, a click resounded throughout the apartment. Bones tensed and turned towards the hallway. He could hear Eiji’s light footsteps and eventually saw the Japanese boy as he rounded the corner.

“Hey, man. How you holding up?”

Kong asked, eyeing Eiji in concern since he still couldn’t smell his scent. Eiji didn’t exactly look the best either. He looked even smaller in his large hoodie than he did before and, even though he wasn’t looking at them, Bones could see that his eyes were red and puffy.

The beta’s heart ached and he wished he could just wrap Eiji in his arms. But Bones wasn’t sure if he’d accept the comfort or not.

Eiji offered him a shaky smile as he walked into the kitchen. “I’m...processing,” Eiji settled on as he opened the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. Kong eyed him warily for a moment.

“So...what are you going to do?”

Bones nearly launched across the table and slapped him.

 _‘Dummy! Don’t ask that so soon!’_ He mentally screamed as he gave Kong his harshest glare. The large beta waved his hands frantically in panic.

“I-I didn’t mean to-“

Eiji let out a small laugh. It wasn’t the usual joyful, giggly ones they’ve heard from him before. It was hollow and dry and it made the two betas frown in concern.

“It’s fine, Kong. I’m not keeping it.”

“What?!” Bones blurted out before he could stop himself. Kong sent him a withering look and Bones quickly flipped him off.

“I mean, shouldn’t you tell Boss at least? This is pretty huge,” Bones mumbled, scratching the back of neck as Eiji watched him with an emotionless expression.

“Why? So he could tell me what I already know? Bones, it’s dangerous.”

“I-I know but-“ Bones paused, a sudden thought going off in his head. “Wait, can male omegas even get abortions? Where are you even going to go?” He asked.

Eiji faltered and Bones could see hints of fear and uncertainty in his expression. “I mean, I think so? It shouldn’t be impossible right?” He asked, wringing his hands together nervously.

Bones severely doubted that. America wasn’t exactly civil to the male omega population and there wasn’t much know about their physiology. All Bones knew was that they had heats every two months and could get pregnant. Schools usually found the talk of male omegas taboo so unless someone really wanted to know about male omegas, they had to do extensive research outside of school.

“Eiji, even if it was possible, who’s going to do it? Chicks alone have a hard time getting abortions, so I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be even harder for you,” Bones said. He could recall seeing women, sometimes beaten and looking half starved, seeking help that was in no way shape or form legal. Imagining Eiji in the same position made Bone’s stomach lurch.

“I can go to Dr. Meredith.”

“Who’s that?” Kong asked, confusion plain in his face at the unfamiliar name.

Eiji sighed as leaned against the counter. “He’s...well, Ash knows him and he does abortions,” Eiji answers hesitantly. Something ugly reared itself in Bones’ chest.

“Wait, what? Has this happened before?” Bones asked incredulously. The thought of Ash fucking so much without protection had his blood boiling.

“What? No! It’s not like that!” Eiji objected, waving his hands frantically. “It’s complicated, Bones,” Eiji said, clearly exasperated. Bones sighed and let the subject drop.

“So where exactly is this guy?” Kong asked, pushing his plate to the aside as he leaned back into his chair. Eiji bit his lip before grabbing a pen from the kitchen drawer and a napkin from the tableHe quickly scribbled the address and handed it to Kong.

Kong’s eyes bulged from his head. “Eiji! That’s on the whole other side of the city! Plus it’s in the slums!” Kong exclaimed. Bones peered over Kong’s shoulder to see the address and he had to agree. It was pretty damn far.

“I know but-"

“Eiji, it’s a war-zone out there. Arthur’s out for blood and his goons are everywhere,” Bones said. “Plus, how are we going to sneak you out of here and make it back in time before Ash gets home?” He questioned, causing Eiji to wilt.

“We have to try. I can’t have this baby. I just can’t,” Eiji whispered, clutching the hem of his hoodie tightly. Kong let out a sigh and studied the address for a moment. “We’ll check the place out. If it’s safe, we’ll take you,” Kong said and Eiji gave him a grateful smile.

“Thank you.”

Kong smiled at him. “No problem, dude. Now come eat! I got us food from that new Thai place. It should be alright since it’s mostly chicken and tofu,” Kong explained, handing Eiji his plate that was still pretty warm. Eiji took it and sat at the table. He and Kong began to make idle chat, lightening the atmosphere little by little. Bones tried to join in, he really did, but he fell short more often than not and instead settled on picking over his food.

_‘This is one hell of a clusterfuck we’ve gotten ourselves into....’_

* * *

 

 After eating dinner and helping Eiji clean up, Kong and Bones put on their jackets as they prepared to leave.

“We’ll make sure to get rid of this too,” Kong said, holding up the box with the pregnancy test inside. It would be dumb to leave it in the apartment and Eiji was paranoid enough to not want to dump it in the trash can inside the apartment.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it you guys,” Eiji said truthfully. Honestly, he didn’t know how he’d be handling this if he didn’t have them.

“No problem, man. What else is familyfor?” Bones said with a grin, pulling Eiji into a hug. Eiji sniffled and tried to ignore how wet his eyes were.

“C’mon, man! I’m feeling left out!” Kong pouted. Eiji let out a laugh and Bones gave him a look of mock exasperation. “Then hurry up and join in, you giant,” Bones teased. Kong stuck his tongue out but joined the embrace anyway. Eiji giggled and enjoyed the warmth of the hug. After a few moments, Kong and Bones pulled away.

“Take care of yourself, okay?” Bones ordered sternly. Eiji nodded.

“I will. You two stay safe too,” Eiji replied, feeling a bit uneasy letting them leave since he knew what was going on. Ash was making good comebacks against Arthur but Arthur was a slimy bastard and often played dirty.

But all he could do was trust them and hope that they would be okay. It was all he really could do now and days.

“We will,” Bones reassured. After bidding their final goodbyes, the two betas and suddenly Eiji was by himself.

Eiji stood in front of the door, unsure of what to do. His nerves felt like little insects crawling beneath his skin and it made him squirm. 

Eiji let out a sigh of exhaustion and walked over the couch to lay down. Eiji folded his hands over his stomach as his thoughts began to wander to that night he and Ash were intimate for the first time.

It wasn’t too long after the incident at Glozine’s mansion. After everything with Banana Fish. After everything with Shorter.

Eiji clenched his fist as he remembered his Chinese friend. He had never known such cruelty until that night. And Eiji had seen some pretty brutal things in Japan.

Eiji remembered how tense everything was in the hideout. He and Ash barely talked to eachother, the blonde too absorbed in making plans for the gang’s next move and Eiji had stuck to the sidelines, unsure of what to do other than support everyone. But in the midst of everything, Eiji’s heat had chose the wrong time to show up. Which wasn’t out of the ordinary, Eiji’s heats were always irregular. He’d been taking suppressants since he was twelve and it resulted in irregular cycles and dry heats, which were essentially regular heats but with virtually no chance of reproduction due to the stress on the body.

So, when Eiji had holed up in the room he and Ash shared, he didn’t think much of it.He couldn’t get pregnant anyway since it was a dry heat. Besides, he and Ash hadn’t planned to go to that far.

They were just comforting eachother in their grief, as they usually did at night where there were no responsibilities and it was just them.

But then hands ending up wandering and in that moment, they were both vulnerable. They needed eachother.

Then one thing led to another and....

Eiji rolled over so he could curl into himself easier. This was a mess. Too many thoughts and questions swirled around in Eiji’s head, demanding attention.

_‘How did this even happen? I thought omegas couldn’t get pregnant during a dry heat?’_

_‘It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.’_

_‘Can I really do this?’_

Eiji squeezed his eyes shut harder, willing the thoughts to go away. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. He just wanted to sleep. Wrapping his arms around himself, Eiji willed himself into a fitful slumber.

Maybe things would be better in the morning.

* * *

 

The next time Eiji opened his eyes it wasn’t morning.

Well, he didn’t think it was. He couldn’t see any sunlight through the curtains and it was dark, albeit with a slight blue hue that hinted that it was early morning.

Eiji groaned as he rolled onto his back and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Eiji glanced at the front door and wasn’t at all surprised to see Ash just getting in. Still, a part of him wanted to flee. As if Ash could already sense that he was pregnant, which he knew was impossible due to how early he was.

Fuck, how far along was he anyway?

Eiji sighed and shoved the thoughts aside. He’d just have to do the math later. “It’s okay. I was having trouble sleeping anyway,” Eiji mumbled, sitting up and rising to meet Ash at the door. Even in the dark, Eiji could see the faint smile Ash aimed at him. Ash reached out for him and Eiji walked willingly into his embrace. Eiji wrapped his arms around him, grateful for the warmth that radiated from Ash’s body. It meant that he was still here with him. That he was still alive.

“Everything okay?” Ash asked quietly, rubbing his hands over Eiji’s back in a comforting gesture. Eiji tensed for a minute.

_‘I’m pregnant.’_

“I...”

_‘I’m pregnant and I don’t even know how it happened. Help me, please.’_

Eiji pulled back to offer what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

“I’m fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eiji most definitely isn't fine.
> 
> As you can see, people are pretty uneducated about male omegas but don’t worry, I got plans for that ;)
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Eiji was thankful for the mornings.

Mornings had a simple routine. A structure he could rely on when his thoughts were too much of a mess and his hands wouldn’t stop trembling. If he focused on it for too long, he would remember the cold metal of a knife in his hands and Arthur’s cruel words.

‘ _If_ _you_ _don’t_ _kill_ _him_ , _he’ll_ _kill_ _you_.’

Eiji paused for a moment, his hands halting in their stirring motions. Taking a deep breath, Eiji tried to ignore the purple and splashes of red he swore he could see out of the corner of his eyes. An heavy yet familiar weight settled itself in his chest but Eiji continued to stir the batter. He was making a more traditional American breakfast for once. Hopefully Ash would actually have time to eat instead of rushing out the door.

Eiji exhaled heavily before pouring the pancake batter into the pan. He didn’t even know what was going on with Arthur anymore. Ash refused to tell him anything most of the time and Eiji couldn’t necessarily ask Alex. He was loyal and if Ash told him to keep quiet about something, he would. All Eiji had was the occasional news report but even those were pretty vague sometimes.

Eiji stared at the barely made pancake, unpleased by the direction his thoughts were going. But his sister always did say that he tended to overthink things. Although, considering that he was in gang infested America, he figured his worries were warranted. Shaking his head, Eiji focused on the task at hand. Even if Ash didn’t have time to eat, Eiji was pretty hungry himself.Eating for two tended to increase an appetite, he supposed.

By the time Eiji was done, it was around ten-thirty. Eiji winced at the clock. He hated starting the day so late. “Jeez, you guys are a bad influence,” He complained to himself as he rubbed the back of his neck. But there was another task at hand that was always the most challenging.

Waking Ash up.

Sighing and preparing for the headache he was bound to get, Eiji walked into his and Ash’s room. He paused when he walked up to Ash’s bed, simply admiring how peaceful he looked. His blonde hair was fanned out over the pillow and Eiji had the urge to tuck some of the golden strands behind his ear. His blanket was wrapped around him as if he were a human burrito and Eiji giggled softly to himself. He actually looked his age for once.

Eiji shook his head. He couldn’t get distracted by Ash’s seemingly innocent looks. He had a job to do and he was going to do it dammit. Rolling up his sleeves, Eiji tugged at Ash’s blanket.

“Ash! Ash, wake up! It’s already late!” Eiji exclaimed, grunting as he tried to drag Ash out the bed. Ash only made a garbled sound in reply and clung to the bed sheets. Eiji growled in response and stomped his foot petulantly. Ugh! Americans!

“Ash!”

“Hnggh?”

Eiji gave one last harsh tug and Ash went falling to the floor. Had he not been used to this, he would’ve been worried and rushed to make sure was okay. But he was used to and Ash’s bratty tendencies so he could honestly care less. Grunting, Eiji dragged Ash to the bathroom and started the shower. He made sure the water was extremely cold before shoving Ash’s body into the tub.

Ash sputtered and choked briefly, his jade green eyes blinking up towards the shower head in confusion. “When you wake up, come the the kitchen. Breakfast is ready,” Eiji said sternly before walking out of the bathroom to make their plates. He knew better than to wait for Ash to get out the shower. He was such a sloth in the morning it was ridiculous.

By the time Ash got out of the shower, Eiji was already onto his second plate and drinking his cup of orange juice. Ash walked passed him and towards the fridge to grab the cartoon of milk. He didn’t even bother to grab a cup and just drank from the cartoon. Eiji glared at him and Ash met his glare with a smirk. He knew that was one of Eiji’s pet peeves.

“Are you always going to attempt to drown me to wake me up in the mornings?” He asked, setting the cartoon back in the fridge.

Eiji tossed Ash a grin over his shoulder. “Hey, if the method works, why change it?” He teased. Ash rolled his eyes but sat down at the table across from Eiji. He took a bite from a piece of his bacon and his eyes widened comically.

“Wow, you actually made something that’s edible for once!”

Eiji pouted. “Hey! Natto is very good! Good for your health too.” He argued, waving his fork threateningly. Ash scoffed as he took another bite of his bacon.

“Or good for making you sick.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

“Been there, done that.”

Eiji’s face erupted into flames and Ash paused. They hadn’t really talked about Eiji’s dry heat. Affection was still pretty new to them and them having sex was...incredibly spontaneous and not at all their intent at the time. This was the first reference to that night since it happened so it was a tad jarring. Eiji fiddled with his fork nervously, suddenly aware of the consequences from that night. Kong and Bones hadn’t came back since that night the test came back positive, which was a week ago. Eiji didn’t blame them. The streets were dangerous, now more than ever, and he was more worried for their safety than anything.

“Sorry.”

Eiji startled and looked up at Ash who found his plate incredibly interesting in that moment. “What? Oh! No! It’s, um, it’s okay,” Eiji said, waving his hands frantically. Ash spared him a glance and it took everything in Eiji to not start fidgeting.

“...Okay.”

Ash said nothing else and went back to eating. Eiji let out a mental sigh of relief but concern made itself present in the back of his head. He knew sex was a sensitive topic for Ash and his emotions towards it were...understandably complex. Which made everything more confusing, because Eiji didn’t know if he overstepped his boundaries that night. The next morning, Ash was already gone doing god knows what and they pretty much avoided each other that whole day. They didn’t talk about it once.

It made Eiji feel even more disgusting and uncomfortable in his skin. He wanted to talk to Ash, to make sure he didn’t hurt him but Ash would probably only shut him out if he did that.

If that wasn’t more of reason to not have this baby, Eiji didn’t know what was. Eiji subtly lowered his to softly touch his stomach. He could almost hear his mother’s disappointment and scathing remarks in his head. Pregnant before marriage and he’s aborting it? Yeah, she would practically disown him.

His father....probably would’ve been more understanding. He probably would’ve sat Eiji down and talked to him, drawing out emotions he was determined to hide.

Eiji bit his lip and dropped his hand, the thought of his family back in Japan did nothing to help his mood. It didn’t matter. His feelings didn’t matter. The baby couldn’t stay.

“Are you okay?”

Eiji jumped slightly and looked up to see Ash’s concerned frown. Eiji swore mentally as he caught a whiff of his scent. It was disgustingly bitter and it easily showed his distress. He forced a smile to his face and hoped it looked natural.

“Ah, yeah. Just a lot on my mind lately, you know?” Eiji murmured, playing with his food that was probably cold at this point. “Is it what I said-“ Ash began but Eiji cut him off.

“No! I just, I still don’t feel well. I just need some sleep,” Eiji explained, hoping Ash would buy the excuse. Eiji’s scent has changed slightly, probably due to the pregnancy. It wasn’t a drastic change and it was faint, but Ash certainly noticed. Concern showed itself in Ash’s eyes and a part of Eiji shriveled. He hated lying to Ash. But he didn’t need to be distracted by something that would be taken care of soon enough.

Ash moved his hand so it grazed Eiji’s. It was a small gesture, but it was one Eiji appreciated. “Are you sure?” Ash asked quietly. Eiji nodded.

“Positive.”

Ash nodded and let the subject drop. He glanced at the clock and stood from his seat. “I have to go,” He said, grabbing his plate and cleaning up. Something ugly twisted inside of Eiji but he ignored it. He didn’t tell Ash to be safe, he never did, but he did send out a prayer to whatever gods listening that he would be okay.

The routine after that was simple and predictable. Ash grabbed his jacket and his gun, offered Eiji a small smile and a quiet goodbye before leaving. Eiji was left to do the same thing he did everyday.

Clean, read, worry and repeat.

But there’s only so many times you can clean an apartment. Time passed painstakingly slow and Eiji was left alone with his thoughts.

He sighed, climbing into his bed. His thoughts were never productive no matter how busy his hands were. A nap would probably give him a few moments of quiet.

It took a while, but Eiji was able to fall asleep.

* * *

_It was staring at him again._

_He knew what it felt like to be watched. It was a prickly feeling, one that made him uncomfortable and queasy. All Eiji could do was stare up at the dark figure sitting on his chest. It’s limbs were too long and it’s skin was an unholy shade of black. All Eiji could see were familiar brown eyes that were once so warm but were know filled with fear and hate._

**_Run! Run!_ **

_But he couldn’t. He was tied to a bed and each time he tugged at his binds, his wrists burned and ached. The creature tilted his head at Eiji and gave him a crooked smile, as if mocking him._

**_Can’t run can’t run can’t run-_ **

_Eiji bit his lip to hold in a whimper and turned his head, no longer facing the creature. The sheets covering his naked body soon became too constricting. They almost felt like hands._

_His hands._

_Eiji let out a sob and he continued to tug at the ropes._

**_Escape escape escape escape_ **

_I can’t!_

_The bitter smell of smoke assaulted Eiji’s nostrils. Panic reared itself in his heart, making it hard to breathe and his movements more erratic._

**_Escape escape escape escape_ **

_Ash!_

**_Escape escape escape_ **

_I don’t know how! Ash! Shorter!_

**_Escape escape escape_ **

_“Such a pretty boy, no wonder my Lynx keeps you around.”_

* * *

 

Eiji’s eyes shot open and he launched himself out the bed. His elbow slammed painfully against the nightstand as he tripped and stumbled over the blankets that entangled themselves around his feet. Eiji sank to his knees and whimpered, tears streaming down his face.

There was a loud ringing in his ears, causing him to raise his hands to cover them as if to block out the noise.

_I have to get out! Where’s Ash? Where’s Shorter? What do I do-_

The door opened and Eiji flinched away from the light that came from the hallway. Eiji could make out a few muffled voices and a hand was suddenly on his shoulder. He growled and kicked out with his legs, not sure what he was hitting only knowing he needed to get away.

“Ah! Fuck-Eiji, it’s me!”

A familiar scent hit Eiji’s nostrils and he paused, trying to shake of the haze of panic his dream left him in. He wiped the tears staining his cheek and looked up at the figure standing over him.

“Bones?”

Bones huffed, rubbing the spot where Eiji had kicked him. Between him and the boss, there wouldn’t be much left. “Yeah man, it’s me,” Bones said softly, noticing the way Eiji was trembling.

“Nightmare?”

Eiji swallowed and slumped against the side of the bed. “Yeah,” He replied, seeing no point in lying. It had been a while since he had a nightmare about Glozine’s mansion. Glozine had never touched him, but the look he gave Eiji had shook him to his core. Eiji exhaled heavily through his nose and ran a hand through his hair. There was so much about that night he wished he could forget. 

Bones said nothing. He just sat down next to Eiji, sitting close enough to where they bumped shoulders. Eiji let out a quiet hum, laying his head on his shoulder and letting his scent calm him down. Sure, he was a beta but it still soothed Eiji’s nerves.

“Are you okay? Are you and the guys being safe?” Eiji asked, lifting his head to scan Bones’ body for injury. Bones chuckled and waved his hand. “I’m as safe as I can be, ya know?” Bones replied, scratching the back of his head. Eiji nodded and laid his head back down.

“Is Kong here?” He asked, knowing that if they were here that Ash wouldn’t be home until late again. Bones sighed. “Nah. He’s with Boss.”

He gave Eiji nothing else which was probably for the best. The two sat in silence for a while. Eiji quite enjoyed it, the silent companionship helping him relax. But it was over too soon.

“Eiji...about that Meredith guy....”

Eiji’s body tensed once more. He sat up straight and examined Bones’ face. Even in the dim light, he could see uncertainty in his eyes. Bones ran a hand through his brightly colored hair. “Eiji...I’m, I’m so sorry-“ He began but Eiji cut him off.

“Bones, don’t do that. Please don’t do that. Just tell me. You couldn’t find Dr. Meredith could you?” Eiji said, already knowing the answer. Bones looked at him sadly, his brows creased with worry.

“Me and Kong went to the address you gave us but there wasn’t anyone there. We asked around and everyone said he moved his business but they couldn’t tell us where,” Bones explained. Eiji nodded slowly, as if there wasn’t static in his ears drowning everything out.

 _No_ _Meredith_. _No_ _abortion_. _No_ _Meredith_. _No_ _abortion_.

A part of Eiji, a part he tried to ignore, was pleased at the thought. As if having the baby was a good idea. The rest of Eiji, however, felt cold and numb. “What do I do now?” Eiji whispered, mostly to himself. The trembling in his hand was back and he gripped the edge of his shirt. But his entire body was trembling and he became hyper aware of the sensations in his stomach. It was churning and it had twisted itself in knots. A baby was growing inside of him. A baby he didn’t know how to get rid off.

“Eiji, we gotta tell boss-“

“No, we can find someone else-“

“And then what? Eiji, I don’t want you to go to some shady ass doctor in the back of an alley! Our best bet is to tell Ash and-“

“I’m not telling him!” Eiji screamed, slamming his hand on the ground next to him. Bones fell silent. Eiji blinked at him, shocked at his own actions. It reminded him too much of home. Too much of his mother.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Eiji apologized, his voice shaking. Bones reached out and pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay, it’s okay. We can figure this out. We will figure this out. Okay?” Bones said, his tone hopeful as he rubbed Eiji’s back.

Eiji didn’t reply. He simply buried his face in Bones’ shoulder, unsure of where to go from there.

What was he supposed to do now?


	4. Chapter 4

“Son of a bitch!”

Ash grit his teeth, crouched behind a car and a gun in his hand. Next to him, TJ hissed in pain as he pressed his hand against the bullet wound in his leg. “Those bastards,” He swore, flinching as the rain of bullets assaulted the car once more.

“Come out you pussies!”

“You fuckers are gonna pay!”

Ash let out a small growl, gritting his teeth as more bullets rained down on them. The plan had gone to complete shit once they killed Dick. There had been more guys at their hideout than their intel had told them. The minute Dick’s body hit the ground, the rest of the Goblins had started shooting immediately. Some had managed to kill some of his guys before they retreated and took cover. 

TJ swallowed nervously. “Boss, what do we do?” He had ran out of bullets earlier and Ash was already using the spare clip he had on him.

Ash spared him a quick glance before standing and firing off three shots. They all hit their target and a part of Ash was satisfied when the bodies hit the ground. He quickly crouched back down and set down his gun. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, Ash ripped off a chunk and grabbed TJ’s leg. TJ flinched and groaned in pain.

“Ah, fuck!” He swore but Ash remained silent, wrapping the shirt around his leg as makeshift bandage. It wasn’t perfect, the blood seeped through the fabric, but it was enough to slow down the bleeding.

“I’ll get us out of this, don’t worry,” Ash said, unwilling to envision any other outcome. The day he became their boss, he promised to stay by his boys and try to keep them safe. TJ stared at him for a moment before offering him a shaky grin.

“Alright, Boss,” he said, clearly shoving away his doubt and putting his faith in Ash.

Before Ash could respond, the last remaining window of the car shattered and glass rained down on both of them.

“Shit!” Ash swore, raising his arm to cover his face. Behind him, he heard footsteps approaching him rapidly. Grabbing his gun, Ash quickly turned and shot the man trying to sneak up on him. It was a clean shoot right through the head. Ash didn’t flinch as some of the blood and brain matter splattered on his cheek.

All of sudden, the sound of screeching tires filled the air.

“What the fuck-“

“Dammit!”

Gunshots sounded and TJ flinched at the sound. Ash stood a little to see what was going on and let out a sigh of relief. Alex had made it just in time with the reinforcements. There were two cars full with the guys and they quickly dealt with the rest of the Goblins. In one car, Bones rolled down the window and his head peaked out.

“Get the fuck in! The cops are the way, we gotta go!”

Ash didn’t need to be told twice. Shoving his gun into the waist of his jeans and ignoring the heat from the muzzle, Ash lopped one of TJ’s arms around his neck and stood.

“Ash, hurry up!”

“I’m fucking comin’!” The alpha snapped, more than aware of the police sirens that were coming too close for comfort. Bones held the door open as they approached. TJ wasted no time hopping in and Ash was quick to follow.

“Pull off!”

Alex nodded and put the car into drive, speeding off and leaving the bodies of the Arthur’s allies behind them.

* * *

 

“Is he gonna be alright?”

Lucas sighed, securing TJ’s bandages as he spoke. TJ himself had passed out not too long ago from blood loss. “Yeah, I think so. The bullet went straight through thankfully and I gave him some of the pills we snagged from that one guy not too long ago,” Lucas said, nodding to himself in satisfaction before turning to face Ash.

Ash gave the beta a small grin and patted him on the shoulder. “Thanks. Good job today, Luke,” Ash said and Lucas beamed at the praise. “Thanks, Boss. Take it easy too,” He said with a smile before tending to the rest of the guys. They were holed up in one of their hideouts. It was dingy old bar that was kinda small but he basement was big enough to house Ash’s boys whenever they had to hide there or have meetings. 

Sighing, Ash let Lucas do his job and went back upstairs to the bar. Some of his boys lounged in the chairs and enjoyed a blunt as they attempted to calm down from the shoot out. Adrenaline was a bitch and nothing at all like the movies made it to be.

Ash scanned the bar and his eyes landed on Mike, who was halfheartedly playing pool with Johnny. He walked up to him and Mike stood up straighter, ready for the orders Ash would probably give him. But instead he asked, “Have you seen Bones and Alex?”

Mike frowned in thought before his eyes widened slightly as he remembered. “They outside in the back. Ain’t no one gonna see ‘em, so they should be alright,” Mike answered and Ash nodded. The back door led to an alleyway and it was decent cover. Plus it was pretty dark out.

“Thanks, man. I’ll let you get back to your game.”

“No problem, Boss.”

Ash didn’t bother grabbing his jacket as he headed for the back. The cool air would probably be good for him if he were being honest. Pushing the door open, Ash stepped outside and Alex and Bones both turned to him.

“Everything okay?” Bones asked. Beside him, Alex took the cigarette out of his mouth as he turned to Ash. Ash’s nose wrinkled a bit. He didn’t necessarily find cigarettes pleasant. They brought up too many memories he would rather forget.

“Yeah. TJ’s find and Lucas is tending to the rest. Any word from Kong?” He asked, leaning against the brick wall. Bones shook his head. “Nah. I think they’re still dealing with what’s left of Lil’ Spooky’s gang,” Bones said, the worry clear in his eyes. Ash leaned forward and ruffled his hair fondly.

“Kong will be okay. There’s not many of the gang left, and Kong has more than enough guys backing him up,” He said. Bones’ body relaxed and he let out a sigh. “Yeah, you’re right,” He conceded. Ash nodded. “Good. But in the meantime, I need you to head back to the apartment. It’s gonna be one of those nights and I don’t want to leave Eiji by himself,” Ash explained. Sure, things were awkward between them but the last thing Ash wanted was for Eiji to worry.

Something flickered in Bones’ eyes and he became oddly quiet. Ash frowned.

“Bones?”

Bones’ stood suddenly, startling both Alex and Ash. “Sorry, Boss. Just got a lot goin’ on in my head. I’ll look after Eiji for you. Anything you want me to tell him?” He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Ash’s eyes narrowed slightly at the odd behavior but he ignored it. This Arthur thing had everyone on edge so it would make sense for Bones to be so jumpy.

“No. Just make sure he gets some sleep.”

“Gotcha, Boss.”

“Tell Eiji I said hi,” Alex said and Bones nodded. “I will,” He replies as he zipped up his jacket and pulled up his hood before walking out into the street. Ash tried not to be too worried. After all, he showed him a short cut that would get him to the apartment quicker and it was pretty safe.

Ash and Alex stood together in comfortable silence. Alex held out his cigarette. “Want me to put it out?” He asked, aware of Ash’s distaste for them. Ash shook his head. “Nah, we all got our vices,” Ash said, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Alex nodded and took another hit, letting the smoke leave his mouth slowly.

“This entire situation is a mess,” Ash confessed quietly. Alex nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I never thought Arthur would actually cross you. Figured he was too much of a pussy to actually have any bite behind his words,” Alex said. Ash silently disagreed. He knew the moment he took Arthur’s territory that he was going to be a problem. Things were never good between them. It was only a matter of time before it finally boiled over.

“All the gangs pretty much sided with him,” Ash muttered. Alex shook his head. “Only because he has the mafia behind him. He’s still a coward and we’ll handle him. Don’t fret,” Alex assured and lightly bumped his shoulder against Ash’s. However, Ash didn’t smile or let out a huff of laughter like Alex hoped he would.

“We might have to talk to the Black Sabbath. I wouldn’t put it past Arthur to try and get them to join him and we need them to stay neutral.”

Alex’s eyes widened and he choked on the smoke from his cigarette. Ash patted his back as he hacked and coughed. He knew he would get that reaction.

Sputtering, Alex turned to Ash with a incredulous expression on his face. “You can’t be serious! Have you not heard the stories? He hates white people!” Alex cried. Oh, Ash has heard the stories. Every single one of them.

He remembered it like it was yesterday. Three rich white men had visited Harlem and of course, being the arrogant racist assholes they are, stirred trouble in the neighborhood. The very next day, the police found them beaten to death with clear signs of being tortured.

“Those bastards had what was coming to them. They were raping the girls in the neighborhood. Young ones,” Ash replied. Ash didn’t know Cain but he could respect his tactics and his loyalty to his city. Alex threw his hands up in exasperation. “True, but Cain Blood ain’t exactly welcoming to most white people anyway. I don’t blame him but I also don’t want you going waltzing into his streets. I doubt Eiji would like it either.”

Ash winced internally. That was a dirty fucking move and Alex knew it. Already seeing those wide brown eyes full of concern and worry, Ash let out a small growl of irritation and crossed his arms. “Alex, I’m not thinking about Eiji right now,” He countered despite it being a complete lie. He was always thinking about Eiji. Even more so, which seemed impossible, after that night they shared.

The brunet frowned. “What? You and Eiji get into an argument or something?”

Ash sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “No. Yes? I don’t know, fuck,” Ash groaned, tugging at his hair a bit. Alex flicked his cigarette. “Wanna talk about it?” He asked. Ash bit his lip as considered it. Alex was his right hand. In fact, he was more than that. He was his best friend and he was like a brother to Ash. And brothers were supposed to give relationship advice.

So, throwing his hands up, Ash decided to say fuck it. Emotions were confusing and Ash needed help. Sue him.

“Me and Eiji had sex and I think I fucked up. I don’t know if he regrets it or what and I’m honestly too scared to ask-“ Ash rambled, unaware of the mental crisis Alex was now in as he at Ash with comically wide eyes.

“Wait, what? You and Eiji had sex?”

Ash rolled his eyes. “Yes, Alex, keep up-“

“Did you use a condom?”

Ash paused. Fuck. “That’s not important-“

Alex groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Oh my god,” He said, exasperation clear in his voice. Ash blushed and his shoulders hunched defensively.

“I pulled out!”

“When does that ever work? Plus, he was in heat right? That means you had to have fucked him more than once.”

“I mean,” Ash paused and stumbled stumbled a little, memories of that night coming back full force. Eiji had be quite, uh, insatiable that night. It didn’t help that Ash had been pushed into a rut with Eiji’s heat. Dry heat. Whatever.

Alex let out what sounded like a sob. “Oh my fucking god,” He whined dramatically, tugging at his own hair. He never thought he would have to give the Ash Lynx the talk about safe sex.

“But he was on top! What goes up must come down right?” Ash cried, desperately trying to save himself.

A part of Alex wanted to strangle him. “That-that’s not how it works. Did you knot him? Holy shit is he pregnant?!”

“Keep your voice down,” Ash hissed, eyes darting around. Alex’s has dropped.

“Fuck, he’s pregnant?!”

“No, you dumbass!”

“How do you know?”

 

“Because,” Ash stuttered, completely mortified of how this conversation was going. “He would’ve told me. Besides, I would’ve smelt something by now.” He rationalized, ignoring the ‘what if’ in the back of his head. Eiji wasn’t pregnant.

“Besides, it’s hard for male omegas to get pregnant anyway,” Ash huffed, crossing his arms once more. Alex was silent, dropping his cigarette to the ground and stomping on it to put it out. Ash refused to even glance at him. He could practically feel how red his face was. It was one of the few problems white people actually had.

Just as the silence was starting to become unbearable, Alex sighed. “Look,” he began, grabbing Ash’s shoulder so he would look at him. “you have to talk to him.”

“It’s not that easy-“ Alex waves his hand to cut him off. Ash bit his lip nervously, feeling oddly vulnerable.

“Trust me. Miscommunication is a bitch and sex only makes it worse. You care about him, that much is clear. Just tell Eiji how you feel. And next time wear a fucking condom, goofy,” Alex teased, reaching to ruffle Ash’s blonde locks. Ash huffed out a laugh and slapped Alex’s thigh. “Oh, fuck off.”

Alex smirked. “Yeah, yeah. You just think with the head above and not the one below.” Walking over towards the door, Alex opened it and turned to Ash.

“Want a drink? I honestly think you need it.”

Ash smiled, thankful that he had Alex by his side. “Sure, why the hell not?”

After all, he would need all the liquid courage he could get before he had the balls to talk to Eiji.

God, emotions were such a mess.


	5. Chapter 5

_“Daddy, do you love me?”_

_Wide green eyes looked up at him. They weren’t the jade green he was familiar with. No, these eyes were softer, lighter. More stormy than electric. More innocent than dangerous._

_“Daddy, do you love me?”_

_He turned away. A small hand caressed his cheek. He flinched._

_“Daddy, do you love me?”_

_He screwed his eyes shut. Get away from me, he wanted to scream. No words escaped his lips._

_“I love you, Daddy.”_

_Tears slipped down his cheeks. He got up and ran. He didn’t know where. He never knew where._

_He bumped into something solid. Stumbled and fell to the ground. Blinking the tears from his eyes he looked up and saw the face of someone long gone. Saw the noose around their neck._

_“Ei-chan....”_

* * *

 When Eiji woke up, he found himself curled into a ball, his arms wrapped securely around his stomach. He blinked, leftover tears slipping down his cheeks. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling above him. He blinked.

Once.

Twice.

He raised his hand, taking note of how they trembled, and simply stared.

He felt....almost numb. His chest was cold and heavy and was hypersensitive to the sensations in his stomach.

Inhaling sharply, Eiji dropped his hand and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He gazed unblinkingly at the carpet, knowing if he closed his eyes he would see those soft green eyes again. Eiji raised his hand to his cheek and wiped what was left of his tears. It was just a dream. Or a nightmare rather. His thought shifted from the faceless child to the person with the noose around their neck. Eiji’s eyes watered and he felt a sob rising but he held it back. 

He hadn’t thought about her in so long...

Eiji let out a shaky sigh and wiped his eyes, ignoring the memories his dream were trying to bring forth.

“Bones?” Eiji called out quietly, turning to see the beta curled up on the edge of the bed and snoring quietly. Bones had been so sweet and had slept back-to-back in a gesture of comfort. The beta’s scent has helped Eiji fall asleep. Underneath the faint smell of blood there was an earthy smell that was pleasant to Eiji’s nose. Eiji reached to tap him on the shoulder but paused before his hand made contact. He was probably tired and decent sleep was rare thing to come by these days.

Drawing his hand back, Eiji got up from the bed and draped the rest of the blankets over Bones’ sleeping form. Something moved in Eiji’s chest. An urge to scent and to comfort but Eiji ignored it and simply stroked Bones’ brightly colored hair. It was moments like these he remembered that Bones wasn’t too much older than he was.

Sighing, Eiji dropped his hand and stood up to leave the bedroom. The apartment was still dark since the curtains were drawn shut. Eiji has learned early on to take no chances and ignored the strange looks Ash would give him whenever he checked on the curtains.

Eiji flicked on the light to the kitchen and winced slightly at how bright it was. I’m such baby, Eiji thought absently as he searched the cabinets for food, I’m beginning to turn into Ash. 

Eiji grinned when he found the Frosted Flakes and grabbed the box. He really wasn’t in the mood for grabbing a bowl and milk and all that nonsense. It all seemed pretty tedious at the moment. Eiji turned off the light and plopped down on the couch, his hand already on the remote and flipping through channels. American television was so much different than Japan’s. Eiji couldn’t figure out if that was a bad thing or not.

Eiji wasn’t sure how long he sat on the couch, idly flipping through channels and eating cereal, but he jolted the moment he heard the front door open, going tense at the loud and messy steps. But at the sound of keys entering the lock, he relaxed and recognized who was at the door. He peered over the couch and raised both eyebrows at the sight of Ash. He was wearing his usual jean jacket over a white shirt and ripped jeans but he...looked worse for wear. His cheeks were flushed red and his eyes had a strange haze to them. Alarmed, Eiji raised from the couch before he paused and wrinkled his nose. He could smell the alcohol from here. His stomach churned at the bitter smell and he had to pause for a moment. Once he was sure he wasn’t going to puke up what little food he had in his stomach, Eiji placed the cereal box on the coffee table and walked up to Ash.

“Aslan.”

Ash made a weird noise and ducked his head, a weirdly submissive gesture. “I’m s.. I’m sorry, Eiji..” He slurred, slumping against the omega. Eiji grunted and staggered, holding Ash securely against him. Trying not to let the smell of alcohol get to him, he slowly led Ash to the couch. Eiji tried to set him done, but his hand slipped and Ash didn’t have the motor skills to catch himself. They crashed to the floor, missing the piece of furniture completely. Ash let out a snort of laughter and something in Eiji snapped. 

“Why the hell are you drunk?” He snapped, not even bothering to hide the anger in his voice. 

“Because emotions suck ass and my head’s a mess.” Ash groaned, leaning back on the couch. Eiji frowned, his anger filled by his increasing confusion.

“Huh?" 

Ash didn’t answer, instead he ran a hand over his face. “Bones still here?”

'He's always here. Unlike you," Eiji tensed and bit back the harsh response. That was...completely irrational. He was being ridiculous. “Yeah, why?” 

“Didn’t want him to leave you alone..” He mumbled, glancing at Eiji out the side of his eye before he slowly began speaking again. “I.. I shouldn’t keep leaving you alone like this, it’s not..” He made a frustrated noise and closed his eyes, laying back on the couch before slowly opening them again and pushing his hair back from his face. “I suck at this... at apologizing.” 

“Apologizing for what?” Eiji asked worriedly. He knew Ash. He’d seen a lot of sides of him, the good and the bad, but there were moments were he didn’t know where his train of thought was. Something had to be wrong though. Ash never drank that heavy unless there was something weighing on his mind. “Is it Arthur? Are the guys okay?” Eiji asked, panic starting to rise. Did they lose someone again?

Ash shook his head slowly, lips pursed. “No- well, Arthur is always the thorn in my ass but it’s not that.. The guys are okay..” He sighed and put his head in his hands and grimaced, gritting his teeth hard.

“I’m sorry I keep leaving you alone here and I keep- I keep disappearing on you.”

“Ash...” Eiji trailed off, unsure of what to say. He didn’t have to say much because Ash kept going.

“I’m sorry that you’re stuck here and that you’re caught in the middle of this. I’m sorry for...leaving you that night and pretending that nothing happened-“

Something lodged itself in Eiji’s throat, causing him to reach out and put his hand on Ash’s shoulder to stop him. “I don’t-Ash, I-“ Eiji stumbled, words escaping him.He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t talk about this, not now. Not when he could still see those soft green eyes and hear that question ringing in his ears.

Ash covered his hand with his and looked him in the eye. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, but it did nothing but amp up his anxiety. He felt as if those piercing green eyes could see the lies that fell from his lips. What would he say if he knew? The thought was unbearable. Eiji bit his lips as tears began to gather. He hated this. Ash, noticing his watery eyes, leaned forward so their foreheads touched. Eiji tried not to flinch back.

"I...I love you. I know we didn’t mean to go that far but....Eiji, I don’t regret it.” Ash said earnestly, his eyes never leaving Eiji's. His eyes watered and Eiji turned away hastily, overwhelmed. Eiji had been wanting to hear those words, the confession and acknowledgement of that night both respectively, but it just felt so wrong now. To hear Ash say he loves him again when he lying and keeping secrets from him. It didn’t feel right. Eiji couldn’t say it back to him this time. It didn’t feel right. 

‘You would if you knew what I knew. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,’ Eiji thought miserably, wiping his sleeve against his eyes.

“Eiji?”

Eiji winced at the fear in Ash's tone.

"I'm okay," Eiji reassured, turning to face Ash. He scooted closer to him before wrapping his arms around his torso. His stomach churned unpleasantly, the smell of alcohol and smoke making his head spin. But he held on. "I'm fine. You just caught me a little off guard,” Eiji said with a small laugh. 

Ash tensed up for a moment, unsure, but wrapped his arms around him. Ash rested his head on Eiji's, squeezing him a bit too tightly and making Eiji grimace.

“I’m fragile,” He said lightly, swatting Ash’s side. 

Ash huffed before mumbling quietly into his air. “You smell...so depressed. I’m making you sad by keeping you locked up in this.. this tower.”

“Ash-“ 

“No, let me finish. I don’t want to keep you here, I want you to be happy and you need the sunshine but I don’t want you to get hurt out there.”

Eiji frowned before letting out a small sigh and forcing a smile to his face.

“Sunshine is overrated. I’m a creature of the night.” Eiji said dryly, coaxing a snort from Ash. “What are you, Batman?” The blond asked mockingly. 

“I’m cool enough to be.”

“Yeah, right.” 

Eiji made a mock sound of outrage before pinching Ash in his side. He winced but chuckled.

“Brat.”

“Jerk.”

Eiji laughed, sitting up a bit and pulling away from Ash. “I understand that we’re from different worlds but...” Eiji gently tugged Ash’s chin down to look into his eyes. “I’m okay. I want to stay. I want to be here.”

Ash quietly searched Eiji’s eyes with his own before softly smiling and nodding, leaning forward to kiss Eiji softly on his forehead. 

Eiji smiled and opened his mouth to speak when the blond turned an interesting shade of green and scrambled out of Eiji's arms and dashed into the bathroom. The sounds of scrambling and the toilet seat being lifted was heard before sounds of retching and vomit hitting the toilet water began to fill the apartment. 

 Eiji sighed and rolled his eyes. “Well, he won’t be doing that again.”  


Bones stumbled out of the bedroom and looked at Eiji with sleepy eyes. "Is that Boss?" He yawned, pointing at the bathroom door. Eiji nodded and grimaced as he heard the vomiting continue. How is it that Eiji was the one who was pregnant but Ash was the one puking chunks? Bones seemed to share his sentiments and the two shared an amused grin. 

"I should head down to the store. I've been told that coffee helps with hangovers," Eiji said as he stood, brushing the dust off his pants. Bones nodded.

"Cool, I'll come with you-"

Eiji shook his head. "It's fine, Bones. I need you to look after Ash," He said, already gathering his things. Bones said nothing but Eiji could practically feel his worry. "I'll be fine. Nothing is going to happen," He said in reassurance. Bones sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. 

"That's not what I'm worried about and you know it."

Eiji felt his face still and go blank. Oh yeah.  


"We're not talking about this right now, Bones."

"Eiji-"

Not waiting to hear him finish, Eiji grabbed his shoes and the card Ash had given him and left without another word.

* * *

Eiji squinted at the coffee brand, not understanding the brand name and immensely uncomfortable by the price. He tucked his hair behind his ear as he regarded the other brands. He frowned at the expensive prices and jumbled words that made Eiji loathe the English language.

"You Americans are so wasteful and expensive," Eiji grumbled, tossing the brand he already had in his hand into the hand basket. He's seen Ash get that kind before so it should be fine.

The supermarket wasn't as empty as Eiji thought it would be. Unlike Ash, some were morning birds and had gotten up to make a quick trip and back. It set him on edge a little bit, his paranoia attempting to get the best of him, but Eiji ignored it. He wasn't too thrilled at the thought of rushing back to the apartment and being forced to think his...problem

So Eiji just stood, staring at the items in front of him but not really focusing as his mind going elsewhere.

_“That’s not what I’m worried about and you know it.”_

Eiji grit his teeth and rubbed his eyes. He was being so difficult. After all, he was the one that got Bones involved in this whole mess and now he was trying to shut him out. 

Fuck. 

Eiji looked down and narrowed his eyes at his stomach. It was still pretty flat. Eiji couldn’t even imagine a baby growing inside of there. Blinking, Eiji tilted his head in mild confusion. How long did male omegas even carry their kids? 

Eiji shook his head, pushing away the thought. It didn’t matter. He was going to find a way to get rid of this kid one way or another. But, even as he thought this, he could hear the whispers from his dream.

_“Do you love me, Daddy?”_

Eiji clenched his fist. Something hot simmered in his chest, an anger that Eiji didn’t even understand. 

 _No, I don’t,_ he thought bitterly. _I’m getting rid of you._

A loud metallic bang echoed throughout the aisle, causing Eiji to immediately flinch. He curled into himself, heart beating rapidly as he searched for an exit.

_What was that? A gun? Shit shit shit-_

“Oh! Eiji!”

Eiji winced at the shout, his body still tense as he turned to who had spoke. “H-hello, Mrs. Coleman,” Eiji greeted shakily, heart beating rapidly in his chest. Eying his neighbor and seeing her cart, Eiji quickly realized that the noise hadn't been a gunshot. Mrs. Coleman just bumped into one of the shelves. Eiji's body relaxed but his nerves and his instincts were still screaming at him, telling him to retreat to his nest despite not even having one. 

"Are you okay, dear? Does your stomach hurt?" Mrs. Coleman asked, her brown eyes full of concern. Eiji's brow furrowed in confusion before looking down. His arm was curled firmly around his middle, protecting it. Eiji quickly dropped his arm, shuffling awkwardly. 

“Ah, no I’m fine. Just a little stomach bug but it’ll be gone soon.” Eiji explained with an awkward laugh. Mrs. Coleman smiled softly and placed a hand on Eiji's shoulder. "Alright, but if it's not gone anytime soon I'll lend you my famous tea recipe. It worked like a charm every time when my little Jamie was sick," She winked playfully and Eiji smiled a little more genuinely this time. "Mind if I shop with you?" She asked, readjusting her cart. 

"Sure, I don't mind the company," Eiji replied. Mrs. Coleman was quite the interesting woman and never failed to get at least one laugh out of him. The beta woman smiled brightly and Eiji felt himself relax further. Yeah, he could spare a few minutes. The two walked out leisurely out of the aisle. 

"So, how's everything going at home?" Eiji asked. Mrs. Coleman perked up considerably, her usual soft scent growing sweeter and reminding Eiji of citrus.

"Oh, quite lovely! Travis got a promotion last week and he's absolutely ecstatic. Jamie called the other day too and says college is going pretty for him. He even met a nice young lady." She tittered happily. Eiji smiled.

"That's sounds great."

Mrs. Coleman continued to talk, the subjects ranging from gossip about the other housewives (apparently Mrs. Lewis from down the hall was debating on having an affair) to Mrs. Coleman’s plans for the upcoming holidays. Halloween was pretty popular in America. Eiji listened for the most part, even offering his own opinions (if Mr. Lewis wasn’t satisfying in bed, Eiji honestly thought Mrs. Lewis should be honest rather than having an affair but that was just his opinion) but sometimes his thoughts wandered and took too long to reply sometimes. 

"Is everything okay?" Mrs. Coleman asked, stopping to look at Eiji. Eiji opened his mouth to say yes, that was okay and that everything was fine but...

Nothing was okay. It wasn’t even just the baby, it was the whole situation. It was about Banana Fish, about Dino and his schemes, about Arthur and his bloodlust, about being there for Ash and the rest of the gang. Eiji was tired. He was angry and scared and hated not knowing what to do. He hated not having the answers. He hated lying to Ash. He hated feeling alone but be hated being a burden. 

It was just so much. 

"I...no. I’m trying to make it okay but I can’t...and I’m tired of dealing with this. I want it to be over,” Eiji’s voice broke off into a sob, shoulders trembling. He didn’t even bother to try and hide it. He was too tired. “Oh, darling,” Mrs. Coleman cooed, pulling Eiji into her arms. Her embrace was firm and full of a warmth that only made Eiji cry harder.

Mrs. Coleman continued to coo at him, releasing her pheromones in order to calm him down. Eiji was so, so young and she would be lying if she didn’t consider him as both family and a good friend. She rubbed his back soothingly as he held onto her, choking on his sobs. Other shoppers looked at them strangely but she didn’t care. At the particularly nosy ones, however, she fixed them with a glare that made it clear that if they didn’t leave that there would be trouble. Eventually Eiji’s sobs subsided but he continued to tremble. Mrs. Coleman nuzzled his head affectionately but paused. Her nose twitched slightly. Her eyes widened.

Was he... 

“Eiji,” She began softly, pulling away. She wiped away the remaining tears from his face. He leaned into her hand slightly, letting out a soft whine. Her heart broke for the omega in front of her. 

“Eiji...are you pregnant?”

And just like that, a switch was flipped. Eiji’s face became blank, his scent growing dull and much fainter. 

"No,” He said firmly, stepping back. Mrs. Coleman reached out for him. 

"Sweetie, it's okay, I'm not going to-"

"I have to go. Have a good day, Mrs. Coleman,” Eiji cut off, hand tightening on his shopping basket before turning and heading towards the checkout aisle.

* * *

Eiji spent the entire walk back to the apartment cursing himself and rubbing his sore eyes. Everything was such a mess.

Eiji sighed, rubbing his face in exhaustion. He didn’t want to go inside. He didn’t want to deal with Bones’ worry and questions. He didn’t want to deal with the weight of Ash’s love for him. It all just hurt too much. 

Eiji took a deep breath.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

’You’re okay. Just smile and the day will be over soon.’

Eiji slid the key into the lock and after a few twists and turns, opened the door. As he walked in, he was greeted with the amusing sight of Ash being draped over the couch with a pillow covering his face. Bones, who had been flipping idly through the tv, looked up at Eiji with poorly hidden relief. Whether it was at seeing him safe or not having to take care of a hungover Ash, Eiji did not know.

”Yo.”

“Yo. How's our patient?" Eiji asked, keeping his head low as he walked into the kitchen and set the bag on the counter. He turned on the sink and splashed some cold water on his face.

"Regretting every life decision he's ever made," Ash grumbled. Eiji let out a snort as he dried his face with a paper towel. Dumping it in the garbage, Eiji walked over to Ash and tugged the pillow off his face. Ash hissed at him like an angry house cat. Eiji swatted him in the face with the pillow.

"That's what you get. Drink more responsibly next time," He chided, hands on his hips. 

"Sure thing, onii-chan," Ash said drily. Eiji tolled his eyes.

"I'll go start breakfast.”

"I'll help," Bones said, handing Ash the remote and standing up. Eiji opened his mouth to decline the offer but Bones frowned at him pleadingly. Eiji faltered, already feeling a familiar weight. He tried to ignore it, convincing himself that the suffocating feeling he felt would leave soon.

_‘Just smile. Get through the day.’_

"Sure. Thanks, Bones." Eiji said, already turning and heading back to the kitchen. Bones followed him silently. Eiji opened the fridge as he grabbed what he needed. He remained quiet, the only sounds filling the apartment being the tv and their movements. 

_‘Say something. Stop being difficult.’_

Eiji opened his mouth, unsure of what to say but unwilling to keep the silence but he stopped short as his stomach twinged painfully. Eiji winced, placing his hand on his stomach and placing the other on the counter to steady himself. Bones rushed to his side. 

"Are you okay?" Bones asked, his hands hovering. Eiji didn’t answer, the pain increasing sharply before dulling. Eiji let out a shaky breath. 

“Eiji?”

"I’m fine.”

Bones opened his mouth to argue but Eiji just raised his hand to stop him. “Bones, c’mon. Let’s just get through the day,” Eiji pleaded. Several emotion flickered on his face. Eventually it settled on acceptance. Bones ran a hand through his hair and offered Eiji a small grin. 

“Sure, man. I’m starving anyway.”

Eiji smile gratefully. “Let’s get cooking then.”

The silence that ensued after that was much more comfortable. Ash whines dramatically from time to time, causing Bones and Eiji to laugh. This was easy. This was manageable. The weight wasn’t as heavy now.

The cramps in his stomach, however, persisted. Eiji bit his lips every time the pain became particularly intense. He tried not to let the pain show.

_’Just smile. Keep going and smile.’_

* * *

After breakfast, the day passed by in a blur. Eiji could only keep up with the basics. Bones had left. It was the afternoon. He was curled up against Ash as they laid on the couch. The pain was getting worse. 

"Are you okay? You keep squirming." 

No. The cramps were starting to make him nauseous. He wished he could just climb out his own skin for a while.

But he smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. My stomach just hurts,"

"Do you want to take some medicine? I'm pretty sure we have some-"

"I'm fine, don't be such a worry wart.”

* * *

The afternoon eventually bled into the evening. Eventually the evening turned into night time. Eiji didn’t bother taking a shower, instead tugging on one of Ash’s shirts and curling into his bed. Ash had tried to coax him to do otherwise but it was pointless. He was in so much pain. He just wanted to sleep.

But as luck would have it, he couldn’t sleep. Pain tends to hinder that. 

Eiji whined and turned away from Ash’s embrace, shifting onto his side. The movement made his stomach lurch. Eiji clutched the sheets tightly as he grit his teeth, willing himself not to throw up. 

“Eiji?”

”Go back to sleep. I’m fine,” Eiji gasped, trying to even his breathing. 

“No, you’re not. Is it your stomach?” Ash asked, rubbing Eiji’s arm in a comforting manner. Eiji whimpered, pushing Ash’s hand off him. It was a simple touch but it was too much. With every once of strength he had, Eiji pushed himself up into a sitting position.

”Eiji-“

”I’m just, gonna take shower,” Eiji mumbled, pushing himself onto his feet. He wobbled dangerously, close to collapsing, but he steadied himself with nearby furniture. Ash sat up, eyeing Eiji worriedly. 

“Are you sure?”

”I’m sure.”

Eiji stumbled into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He leaned heavily against the door, panting harshly and clutching the fabric over his stomach tightly.

_’Calm down, it’s okay. You’re okay. Just start the shower.’_

It took him a minute, but Eiji managed to limp to the shower and twist the knob. Hot water came raining down from the shower head. It didn’t take long for the bathroom to steam up.

Grimacing, Eiji tugged off his shirt and threw it to the ground carelessly. He began to pull down his pants when he felt something wet in between his legs. Eiji paused. 

There was a knock at the door. 

“Eiji? Are you okay? Do you want me to grab some medicine?”

Eiji couldn’t answer. There was nothing but static in his ears.

Another knock. “Eiji?”

His hands trembled. He pushed his pants down past his thighs.

And saw them stained with blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya girl is back and ready to break your hearts


End file.
